my tears...

once again...Andrew's asthma flared up. This time it hit me hard..

We were once again in the ER at 12am because all his at home emergency medications just didn't work...He was still running around and smiling but i knew something wasn't right.

I've been through this before..i knew what to expect. I just wasn't strong enough.

The doctor decided a new way to get the steriod down...through an IV line..He's had an IV before but when he started screaming "mama"..i just lost it..

He was holding on tightly to me...and just screaming and i just started crying. Thinking about it again still makes me a little tear eyed..

It was hard to see him like that..i was trying to console him at the same time trying to calm myself down.

I think i cried even more when my husband turned to me and said..what was i crying about!...MEN!!..i felt like kicking him out of the room.

I was a total wreck and well that husband of mine didn't even bother to console me..

We got home that day at 5am...and he's doing better but i still have to keep an eye on him.

Its difficult to see him in pain..i just hope he outgrows it.

And that husband heard a very long speech of trying to be more sensitive and i do feel pain or i do get scared once in awhile....especially when it comes to our son.

When it comes to our relationship i've decided to just let him know how i feel....i don't care what time it is...or where the hell we are...i'll just tell him...

He'll get mad...i'll get mad but at the end we'll just hug.

He's a great guy...i still get goose bumps when he does sweet things.

We both just need to learn from our mistakes..