my tears...

once again...Andrew's asthma flared up. This time it hit me hard..

We were once again in the ER at 12am because all his at home emergency medications just didn't work...He was still running around and smiling but i knew something wasn't right.

I've been through this before..i knew what to expect. I just wasn't strong enough.

The doctor decided a new way to get the steriod down...through an IV line..He's had an IV before but when he started screaming "mama"..i just lost it..

He was holding on tightly to me...and just screaming and i just started crying. Thinking about it again still makes me a little tear eyed..

It was hard to see him like that..i was trying to console him at the same time trying to calm myself down.

I think i cried even more when my husband turned to me and said..what was i crying about!...MEN!!..i felt like kicking him out of the room.

I was a total wreck and well that husband of mine didn't even bother to console me..

We got home that day at 5am...and he's doing better but i still have to keep an eye on him.

Its difficult to see him in pain..i just hope he outgrows it.

And that husband heard a very long speech of trying to be more sensitive and i do feel pain or i do get scared once in awhile....especially when it comes to our son.

When it comes to our relationship i've decided to just let him know how i feel....i don't care what time it is...or where the hell we are...i'll just tell him...

He'll get mad...i'll get mad but at the end we'll just hug.

He's a great guy...i still get goose bumps when he does sweet things.

We both just need to learn from our mistakes..

i love him even more!

I'm looking at some of Andrew's pics...and he's not really a baby anymore..at times i do wish he was still this tiny little thing but at the same time...i enjoy his company even more nowadays.

Its not any easier but we do have more fun. We play with his toys and he gives kisses and hugs..which feels so great. I was in the mall yesterday, pj brought him to the bathroom and when they came back...he ran to me and give me a big sloppy kiss and a hug..Definetly feels wonderful!

He understands me a little bit more. I'll tell him to give me his pacifier..and he does give it to me..He calls his bottle 'dede'...filipino for bottle/milk..He says that when he wants it...or he looks for it in his diaper bag if we're out.

I love it when we sing Barney's 'i love you' and he gets so attentive and wait for the hug and kiss part so he'll do it too.

He definately is still a handful!! He gets into EVERYTHING!

Belated Happy Mother's Day!!!!

Mother's day was nice..Last year was much better! hmph!hahah..We had a cook out courtesy of pj..The steak was delicious. The cake was yummm.....

do u believe in ghosts?

Every weekend we sleep over my mom in laws place..and well this weekend something freaky happened..

Saturday nite around 2:30 am,i woke up to pee and as i got out of bed i thought i saw a kid in white run out of one the bathroom and into one of the rooms that they're renovating. I was shocked and thought pj's nephew was sleep walking again..so i went to check the rooms..and there was no one there!!! oh shit what the hell was that!!

I couldn't pee after that..i juz covered myself with the blanket. The next day i wanted to tell someone about it so i told pj's cousin..I didn't tell pj or any of his immediate family because they're not so good with freaky stuff including my hubby..after watching the ring..i had to accompany him to the bathroom for 3 days..Imagine if i told him this?

So once i told pj's cousin..she looked at me and said..she's heard it from dan(my bro in law)..i told her i haven't told anyone coz i didn't know who to talk to bout it..she thought i was joking so she called dan..we had our little conference outside the house so no one could hear us.

Dan said he experienced the same thing 2 days before...creepy...He was so freaked out the he started smoking again...damnit!

Then pj's cousin told us..i told u not to cut the tree down..The day they were chopping the tree down..that was dan's bday..so everybody was present..cousin kept getting up and going up..so i told her whats wrong? she said she didn't know..she keeps hearing our nephew call for her..but he was just watching tv.WEIRD..